The tyranny of the children

I'm going to let you in on a secret, one of the very worst outcomes of being a work at home mum is I have bred a tyrant.

In my defence, this child is so very strong willed she would always have led the pack but I've made it worse. Its my doing, and now my undoing.

You see, as a baby she learnt something very simple & very bad, from my reactions. She learnt that she can get anything she likes, anything at all, if she just... whinges enough. Thats all it takes, a simple whinge and shoving something in my face and she's got it, it's hers. Further, because I cannot stand the sound of whinging & because it went on for long enough to strengthen her determination; her will power, it still works for her, long after she's old enough to know better.

It starts like this, you're at home with the child and the phone rings. You answer the phone professionally and at some stage in the conversation your child wants or needs something, and right now. Because you're being a professional super mum you juggle the phone and open the packet or pour the juice or whatever and continue the work - you'll maybe even cheer yourself for juggling it all, and so very well too. This will become a regular occurrence, and some times you win.

Then you lose. Then it happens that you can't react immediately, or you don't want them to have whatever it is their asking for (chocolate at 9am when you didn't eat your breakfast - not a chance) and the response is the most natural response ever, whinging. Maybe even questioning and then whinging, "but whyyyyyyy mum". And you're trying to be professional on the phone at the same time, you perfect the art of furious hand gestures and whispered no's and entreaties and threats to be quiet - but eventually theres an occasion when you give in and just give darling child what they want so you can finish the call and get back to the juggle. This is where it starts.

From here on in your darling child understands just exactly how far they need to push to get what they want - add something stressful, something going wrong - I call it "putting out fires" and you break even sooner. My darling child learnt that whatever she wants is hers for the taking if she only waits until mum is on the phone and then makes enough noise.  And because it has become her norm I don't even have to be on the phone any more, she'll yell and scream at me from one end of the house to another and she knows she only has to wait - the noise will get to me and I will do her bidding. Time after time.

If I'm going to be honest, the tyranny starts before then really, we all make so many changes to have children - can't go out at nap time, can't stay out late, can't go to this restaurant or that place, its what you're supposed to do - right? Holidays are now "kid friendly", cars are boring and functional, gone are the beautiful 'things' that filled our shelves and who ever gets through their kids childhood without learning all of the words to the wiggles songs?

I mean, even the basics are tough to manage with kids - you think it's perfect to have the kids rooms in the same end of the house as yours until you realise that means no sex. Ever. Not ever again. Now try and sustain a relationship.

Add in the demanding and the whinging and it's exhausting. She has me run ragged. I'm tired. I love my children dearly but I really am very, very tired. Stupidly I have 7 1/2 years gap between mine too - so I'm going to be doing this for-ever.

I hate to say I'm wishing their lives away but I really do hope there's an end in sight.

I implore you to take what you can from my lesson, to take heart that you are not alone and to see what you can do differently so that you too do not lose yourself in the tyranny of the (gorgeous, loveable, perfect) children.